Saturday, February 7, 2026

谈感受



简单的说,我们每天都活在感受里,从睁开眼直到闭眼入眠,其实我们一直被各种感受包围,这些感受有时就会鼓动情绪,情绪一旦被鼓动,们就会经历各种感觉,如愤怒,悲伤,沮丧,狂喜等等。平凡人都把这些感觉照实对待,尤其是正面的感觉如喜悦,骄傲,自豪,当着是一种近乎与快乐的本质,其实不然。

稍微接触佛法的人应该会读到四念处的其中一个修行-观受是苦。我阅读过的一本佛教书籍,《近乎佛教徒》写到“如果你不觉得一切情绪皆痛苦,那你就不是佛教徒”。对一般人来说,包括自己,即使是现在,我还是觉得这种说法是很抽象的。经过多年之后,至今坦白说自己还是无法彻底明了什么是观受是苦,但经过多年生活中的各种历练,一些领悟式的思考,年过半百之后才稍微开始了解就如佛陀所说的-一切情绪,真的,如果不去用心观察,真的都是一种苦。

有人说那里可能,譬如你去旅行就会享受到快乐,怎样会苦呢?其实如果你进一层留意一下,当旅行结束后,想到明天又要上班,想到就要离开这么漂亮的地方,那种难分难舍的惆怅感觉;或过后看到一次旅行原来话费这么多钱而大吃一惊,这些都是苦啊!所以我们要如何面对感受来灭苦呢?当我们的六根与外境接触后而产生感受的时候,我们不需要刻意去排斥,但也不要陷入其中,避免沉溺太久,反而是以第三者的身份来审视一切感受,以明朗的智慧来辨清它的类别,了解他的强度和停留的长短,只有这样我们才不会被他反客为主地牵着走,走得越远,一旦停下来的时候就越痛苦,就好像有时喜悦越狂,不只会乐极生悲,狂喜过后的虚落感就更强烈。

就如今天傍晚在旱热了几乎一个月后突然下了一场骤雨,当然这是一件喜事,但还是不必高兴的手舞足蹈,因为接下去的好几个星期可能雨天不再来,天气可能更闷热,那时必定会痛苦万分!反而是如果能以平常心接受它的来到,感恩上天偶尔的恩赐,倘若之后再不下雨也不会觉得怎样了。

也许这就是正确的“观受是苦”的态度吧!

说娘惹糕点



我祖母是典型的娘惹妇女,她一生衣着都是上衣和沙龙(sarong), 或是福建话叫Mua。印象中头上永远都结着一团发束,一根金釵穿插过去,持住团状的样子。

童年时候,我们和祖父祖母没有什么互动,对祖母也许比较有印象的就是她的烹饪,至今她准备的娘惹菜肴和糕点叫人难忘,鱿鱼炒,酸辣鱼,八宝鸭,都是小时候过年的时候所吃的拿手好菜,最后都传承了给母亲,最叫人回味的当然是娘惹糕点,在我很小的时候就品尝了这一生最正宗最绝味的娘惹糕。

娘惹糕最主要的材料就是糯米,许多糕点不是用糯米就是糯米粉,譬如pulut sekaya, pulut inti, pulut pisang, pulut udang,kuih koci, pulut taitai, 还有kuih bengkang, rempah udang, kuih kosui, kuih talam, huat kuih, kuih lapis 等等。母亲年轻的时候几乎都会做这些糕点,承接了祖母的纯正秘方,用料份量都是完美无瑕的,做出来的糕点当然吃了回味无穷,这也造就了我溺爱甜食的癖习,对糯米更是百吃不厌,吃多少对消化都没问题。

以前年少的时候也常常站在一旁协助母亲蒸烤这些糕点,最费事的要数九层糕,说是九层,其实超过九层,因为每倒了一层就把锅盖关上,一两分钟打开又倒一层,而且每一层都以不同的颜色相间,通常都会用上五六种自然颜料。现在许多人做的九层糕不是黏贴在一起,就是每一层又厚又实,以前母亲做的除了表层硬一点,之下的每一层都可以轻易撕开,口感是松软但不会破裂,这才是记忆中最好吃的九层糕。

还有就是照片的pulut sekaya, 或现在被称为seri muka 的糕点,我在槟岛大吃四方,慕名的糕点摊子或那些某某百年老店的,我都特地去买来吃,说实在的没有几个可和母亲所做的较劲。这个糕点的技术要求特别高,因为下层的糯米和上层的kaya都要做得完美才称得上好吃,有些Kaya做得还可以,但糯米蒸得根本不行,不是太干就是太黏,有些以为把它蒸熟就可以了,完全没有添料调味,吃起来平淡无味。最棘手的是上层的Kaya,到位的Kaya是充满pandan 的香味,质地接近浓度高的液体酥软,咬下去它扎实但不是全凝结在一起的,照片里的那种一看就知道质地大错特错,吃了根本不是pulut sekaya。

呵,要谈娘惹糕自己还可以长篇大论呢,想想最重要的是在母亲有生之年,自己还是尽快把这些就快失传的李家娘惹制法学起来,只有这样才有机会继续吃到自己心目中最绝顶美味的娘惹糕。

Wednesday, December 31, 2025

突然间衰老



村上春树说过(大意):人不是渐渐衰老的,而是突然间老去。当时读到这句话的时候很不以为然,因为那时还年轻力壮,对老感受不够深刻,还不懂老是什么模样及状况。

三十年之后,我才知道这句话的含义,人,只真的会突然间老去的,譬如自己,仿佛是从59岁一触及60岁,一切都不一样了,很明显的老化好像打了另一个排挡,老化刹那见断崖式加速坠落。如果你问我为何感受如此深沉,那就从近期的有恙说起。

以前如果患上伤风感冒,休息三天就完全痊愈,看病也最多两天病假,现在可不行了。上个月在越南惹上全套伤风感冒,前后需要两个星期才完全恢复,这是第一个老化加速的征兆。然后开关木门扯伤背肌和右肩,这个更离谱,犹记得以前如果只是扯伤肌肉关节,过了三五天在没有处理之下自己悄悄恢复,这一次可不得了,过了一个星期在涂抹些铁打油之下完全没有改善,结果只好去针灸一次,然后一天涂抹铁打油至少三次,三个星期过后才感觉有点改善,直到今天依旧还残存一些酸痛,看来要用一个月才能彻底痊愈。至于两个星期前跌了一跤跌出一块淤青,年轻的时候这种“黑青“第三天就褪色了,最迟五天就消散不见痕迹。这一次过了一个星期,那片难看的斑点还在右胸底下,两个星期之后的今天在镜前才发现它终于全部离开。

这些些痊愈期的延长确实让自己了解到老的真谛,不是我怕老,我很早已经接受老死的事实,只是对老化的进程有一点点震惊又一点点的唏嘘。加上今早发现毛宝贝从楼梯走下来的时候,左前脚是一瘸一跛的,昨天都没有任何迹象,只隔一天就变成跛脚鸭了!

原来不只是人,狗也是突然间老去的。

冬至



飘不落的雪花

秋季没有尽头

这里明媚的是斜光

暖了一地的长廊

我低头阅读

树叶凋零一页页的

秋意    年末的草坪

枯黄了一张岁月

我在字迹间冥思

有些骚动拨乱了专注

是什么却无法指明

更无法启齿

那些零碎的无可名状

日益衰老的时候

日益放肆地隐现

把书闭合断了视线

那些看得见与见不到的

皆是无谓的臆度

日子逐渐静默无声

舞台下曲未终人已散

没有人会守听一首

忘了结束的歌

一年来到尾声打盹

冬至冷却了汤圆

我闭上眼有轻风穿越

枝叶间无法愈合的缝隙

总有什么东西会遗漏

那些容易褶皱的情绪

宛若搓不圆的汤圆

即使在年复年的冬至

再也搓不圆的

是生命的棱角

祝大家“冬至快乐“

花开花谢话无常



人生无常不是挂在嘴边说说而已的,它是真的会发生在任何人的身上的,我们看别人的无常总是觉得轮不到自己,但无常什么时候来到,没有人能说得清楚,也许不必太在乎最残忍的那句:明天先到,还是无常先到,但对无常大家确实都要把它放在心上。

最近听了一件无常事,话说朋友的朋友是个才49岁的脑科专家,生活美满,自己本身没有任何恶习,当医生的当然多数都懂得保健,所以生活起居都很良好,留意饮食,还是运动达人,身强体健不在话下。岂知年头突然病倒发现是脑癌,脑科专家患脑癌,那是多么讽刺的事,自己懂得最尖端的治疗,专科医院也彻底配合提供所有最优良的药物,结果四个月之后也去世了。

听了一宗无常,也见到一宗无常,那是从事电门的邻居。这名邻居先生大我五岁,我和他不算很熟,但也时常见面问安问好,而且我家和其他屋子的电门也是由他来维修的。这个邻居先生是个单身汉,和他互动聊天多次,真的是个好好先生,也许没有什么运动,但也从不抽烟喝酒,根本没有什么生活恶习。前几天电门有点问题,拨电叫他过来看一看,我发现他那张脸发黑而且有点干焦,以为他最近去那里度假晒太阳。一问之下,他很坦然地回答自己在接受化疗,原来是患了第四期肺癌,我听了愣在那儿须臾,一时不知要如何搭腔,也只能说反正惹上了也只能宽心接受,反而是他还开玩笑地说:以前一直嘲笑抽烟的朋友,说他们真傻拿钱来烧,也许这就是香烟公司对我的报仇!

那天傍晚告诉了母亲之后(我母亲也认识他母亲),走到屋外看见鸡蛋花开了满满的树冠,正处于灿烂绮丽时刻,突然间一阵风徐徐吹过,几多依然盛开的花朵被吹落。

呵,人生也竟不是如此吗?有人灿烂过,有人还来不及攀上高峰就离开人间,一生嘎然而止,这也许就是无常吧!

平安夜



什么事情也没有。

也没做什么事情。

就是这样的一个平安夜。

夜色还是一样黑。

也没有格外温柔。

灯燃的圣诞树躲在家里。

晚餐过后我躲在沙发上看电视。

屋外安静无声。

连车子也不来。

基督教徒的邻居屋子一片漆黑。

近乎夜色的黑。

和四只狗住在隔两间独立洋房的英国女子已经不见人影好几天。

不见人也不见狗。

有一棵侏儒般矮短的圣诞树在她家玻璃门后闪着闪着缤纷的灯泡。

人猜想已回到Brighton和家属围桌吃着火鸡。

那四只狗呢?

落夜之前遛狗越过她屋前心情和那落寞的空荡草地同样落寞。

Super和Fatty瞪着那股落寞须臾便怏怏走开。

平安夜确实没有什么事情可做。

更没有什么意图出门。

年纪大了勇气却小起来。

听说几百米外的车辆正撑饱整条公路。

憎恶塞车夹在节日据说会变本加厉。

就这样躲在沙发上。

让远处车子哑默地蠕动。

圣诞歌的甜腻气味自商场溢流出来。

怎么使劲地流也流不到马路上。

原来一些事情怎么尽力也不会有结果。

譬如自己在平安夜怎么唆惑也不会想出门。

也许年末的萧瑟稀释一些欢庆的心情。

年龄大了总会怪异许多想法。

怕吵也怕闹对人潮情绪变得过度敏感。

和毛孩子一样竟然对烟花爆裂不悦。

在平安夜唯一的期许就是早点上床。

早点安稳地睡去。

-在暴雨刚过的圣诞夜书写已过的平安夜,一时恍如隔世,昨夜的事显得那么遥远,然后记起圣诞节就快过了,我竟然还没说一句祝福语,在此祝大家:“圣诞节快乐“!

Saturday, December 6, 2025

My Hike My Life


I like walking; in other words, I don’t mind walking, and coincidentally, hiking and trekking are all about walking. Sometimes it is incomprehensible to see someone who could gravely fall in love with walking, as inscrutable as it could be, walking has become a proclivity to me, a prodigious infatuation that is close to fetishism. 

I couldn’t remember when I habitually inculcated walking into a part of my nature,  probably the encouragement from my mother to take up jogging when I was a teenager, but the affinity for walking has to be inherent, as I displayed very little resistance; it was like a new hobby uncovered, and it has never left since. 

I jogged my way into the years of the university in KL. I used to frequently jog on the campus of MU, most of the time in the evening as my footsteps cut through the lush expansive field beside the lake, or dotted around the residential area nearby Jalan Gasing, where I rented a room. Even in the first year of my dental practice in Batu Pahat, I either jogged or walked almost every day around this petite town for hours after the evening clinic sessions, I still could remember the spot I always frequented was a water pump in the river where aquatic plants swaying gracefully in the swift currents, occasionally a school of tiny fish appeared from nowhere to hide and seek around them before scooting away. 

After nearly a year, I migrated to Penang Island to operate my dental clinic, and that was the commencement of my intensive hiking adventures. Penang Island is never short of hiking trails, hills, and mountains looming densely over each other. There are myriad options of trails to assault, and it sets a perfect stage for me to indulge my fetish with walking. During those few years, I hiked not less than 5 times a week, for those short windows of evening breaks, I hiked no. 3, no. 46 or halfway to no. 39; During weekends or on holidays, longer routes to no. 84, the peak of no. 39 or even Penang Hilltop. Eventually, the over-enthusiastic indulgence took its toll when I began to detect alarming discomfort in both of my knees. I sought advice and was told to reduce the frequency of hiking per week. 

As much as I was reluctant to comply, I heeded the advice and drastically reduced it to just a few times a month. Instead, I switched to brisk walking on flat terrain, and it remains a pure enjoyment to me until today. I enjoyed walking in the park. Back in my hometown, I walked in the paddy field passing through the quaint villages; whenever I travelled, I excessively walked around unfamiliar cities and places, I explored deserted streets and alleys, remembering landmarks to guide me back to the starting point.  Even today, I still deeply relish the joy of doing the above whenever an opportunity presents itself. Walking has become second nature to me, and I wholeheartedly embrace it.

When it comes to the tales of my walking, the walking experiences that I encountered and gathered from my short stays in New Zealand are not to be neglected; they changed my perspective on walking and elevated the elation of walking to another level. The balmy weather in New Zealand granted me the precious possibility to do multi-hour walking, with the absence of scorching sunlight and suffocating humidity, I never knew that I was able to reach a distance of 20km, traversing the city and rural area for more than 4 hours alone, and yet, I reached home feeling fresh and rejuvenated.    

It consequently empowers my faith in my walking ability and emboldens my ambition to attempt longer, tougher, and more arduous adventurous routes, especially in Nepal, my love at first sight when it comes to trekking. 

I didn’t have my first full-scale hike until I was 51, considerably older, the age of geriatric, which was not so youthful enough to attempt something called a multiday hike.  Doubtlessly, I did hike aggressively when I first migrated to this small island in the early days of my career, but they were short, done and dusted within a couple of hours; multi hours, far and in between, the one I still vaguely remembered was Laksamana Hikathon that took me more than 4 hours to complete, it was not the consummation of the race that left an indelible mark in my memory, but how I threw out the vomit on someone’s head on the bus on the way back to the starting point that embarrassingly resided with me until now.

It is something I am reluctant to recall, but that was my last nasty encounter with a long hike. The multi-day hike was still very much unknown to me until my first trekking trip in Nepal. It was, later I came to know, the easiest route for novice trekkers to dip their feet in the water for what multi-day trekking is all about. I launched myself with untainted thrill and excitement into the trip, the perpetual dust and chaos of Kathmandu enthralled me with angst and consternation, as I skimmed by the commercial streets where the goods burst with mindboggling vibrant colours, I was dazed by its intensity, and then I perceived the first taste of multi-day trekking on our first day of the hike, 3500 steps to Ullery after a 3-hour walk from the starting point were seemingly interminable, energy-sapping and bone-crushing, and what ensued after a simple dinner in a sparsely furnished canteen was these tiny lingering misgiving and remorse that stalked me into my sleep.

And then I woke up at midnight, clueless about why, and in a light daze, I callously hurled a gaze outside a small, squarish window beside my rickety bed, the framed image of that window pane shocked my consciousness to the core, and after that very moment on that freezing night, the rest is history.

Since then, I have never looked back when it comes to multi-day trekking again.     



The Path



As I let the path walk me

I traverse the unnamed directions

The lost places that flicker in my mind

Where the world is an enormous map

Full of cryptic symbols and signs 

That dot the wriggling trails 

Endless trails that spread like branching roots

Under the ground in the dark 

Trying to elude my dream 

The dream of going round and round 

Into the turquoise-blue ocean 

Up to the silent mountains 

Where clouds lying low 

Nearly touch the fingertip of my hand

And they just drift away 

Tracing every footstep I forsake

On the path I leave behind 

So I return to where I begin 

With my weary legs that know no bounds 

I start to hatch another dream 

Another path that allows me to walk 

To the end of the world 

-written at Wray Castle, Lake District, UK

休息



走累了

就停下来休息

走过了六十个转弯

休息已经不是

为了要走更长的路

只是为了还可以启程

下一个旅程

多长多短无法揣测

只是想再走一段

再看一幅陌生的风景

品尝不同的生活味道

有时生命中的追求

也不过如此

简单的上路

暂时从人生的轨道

歧途迷路

探索诡谲多变的未知

穿越一场又一场

瑰丽的冒险

纵然有时会受伤

皆是珍贵的启示

无价的学习程序

丰饶了岁月的色彩

那些一步一脚印

的凌乱图腾

原来都蕴藏着时间的

密码等待我们去揭秘

其实这一生我们

都在不停地走

走在时间地图的路线

走得累了

那就停下来休息

休息之后才能

继续走下去

直到尽头

在河岸



清晨踉跄跌落恒河岸边

黑夜才及时退缩离去

信徒已经来到

这是一座日夜厮斗

得难分难解的城市

车嚣永远搁浅在街心

每一条街巷都蜿蜒曲折的

朝往虚脱的河岸走去

和信徒一样还有度假的过客

和我被恒河诡密的召唤诱惑

有些来祈拜其他来猎奇

窥瞥一种神圣的沐浴

在浑浊的茶色河水中

润湿的发丝和浸透的肤毛

没有惧讳或任何犹豫

关于卫生的种种疑虑

因为恒河是他们流动的神祇

湍急的波涛是湿神婆的轻舟

她日夜巡回这座寺庙之都的河坛

每一步每一个梯级信徒

拖着污秽斑驳的心灵走向她

在河岸让她肤慰洗涤

所有的罪孽与业障融化

在水里漂离而去

而我站在远处遥望

晕眩于四处冲窜的喧哗

沉思于流过无声的恒河

还能承载多少拜祭的花串纸盘

还能洗涤多久人类心镜的无明

答案飘摇在急急刮过的风中

纷纷坠落在河岸

- 写于Varanasi